How to break up with someone youve been dating for years

But it's a chance to do your best to respect another person's feelings. Ending a relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills when it comes to being honest and kind during difficult conversations. All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor. What's in this article? Or Get it Over With? When Relationships End In the beginning, it's exciting. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else Nothing stays new forever, though. Break-up Do's and Don'ts Every situation is different.

Think over what you want and why you want it. Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you. You just need to do it in a sensitive way. Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react. Will your BF or GF be surprised? Thinking about the other person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive.

It also helps you prepare. Lose his or her temper? How will you deal with that kind of reaction? Be honest — but not brutal. Then say why you want to move on. Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other.

How to Break Up Respectfully

Respect that and show your good qualities by breaking up in person. If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a phone call. Breaking up through texting or Facebook may seem easy. But think about how you'd feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's character! If it helps, confide in someone you trust. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF.

That's one reason why parents, older sisters or brothers, and other adults can be great to talk to.


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They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally. Don't avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF.

Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway. Don't rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret. Speak about your ex or soon-to-be ex with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about how you'd feel.

Tell the truth — but don’t be cruel

You'd want your ex to say only positive things about you after you're no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday. Use these ideas and modify them to fit your situation and style: Tell your BF or GF that you want to talk about something important. Start by mentioning something you like or value about the other person. Be patient, and don't be surprised if the other person acts upset or unhappy with what you've said.

If you can't do it face to face, do it over text message, email, or Facebook Chat. This is better than a phase out.

Is Fear Of Breaking Up (FOBU) Keeping You In The Wrong Relationship?

Let's change the culture from the all-or-nothing face-to-face or disappearing act to make space for the means in-between. Your ex will thank you, and you'll appreciate it when you're on the other end in the future.


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For example, don't say "I'm not emotionally available" or "You deserve better. Try something like, "I'm not totally invested in this, and I don't think it's fair to you to continue stringing you along," or "I've been seeing someone else and I think we're a better fit for each other.

Don't keep liking their Instagram photos and FB statuses, sending them messages "Thinking of you! If you feel compelled to do any of the above, ask yourself if you're doing it for them or for you. I have a really hard time knowing people don't like me, but it's unrealistic to expect that an ex is going to just let a breakup slide off their back and switch to being buds with you. Being rejected hurts, angers, and confuses peeps. The more selfless thing you can do in this situation is be firm with your decision. Remind yourself that feeling anxious, guilty, and conflicted and anything else is OK.

It means you care. Don't try to ignore the feelings or tell yourself you shouldn't feel uncomfortable because you're choosing to end it. Be kind to yourself. Anger is a natural reaction to hurt. Remember you're likely not impermeable to insult, so ensure you have supports as well to debrief any negative feedback you receive.

At the end of it all, it sucks for both parties. Hurting someone sucks, and so does getting hurt. But remember that uncomfortable feelings and difficult experiences are all part of being a human.

How to Break Up Respectfully (for Teens)

And, if you feel guilty, it's a good thing — it means you have a conscience. Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world. Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how. Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch.

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Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. And, here are some runner-up points to help with the transition: Don't try to blame it on something else or you'll just extend the process. Don't keep sleeping with them if you know they want more. Usually one person wants more. It will be confusing for them and will delay their healing process. You are entitled to your feelings. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to be selfish. You're allowed to break up with someone over text message or Facebook Chat. You are not a bad person.

RCC is a psychotherapist, wellness expert, blogger, and lover of sport and satire.

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